Regrouping/recharging

Missionary work is hard and tiring. It is not easy going to work every day and seeing so much pain, so much suffering. It’s not easy to almost daily lose patients, many far too young…many from illnesses easily preventable in a more advanced setting. It is exhausting trying to balance first world options and treatments with third world realities. It is draining to so often make life and death choices based on the limited resources we have available. It is refreshing yet hard to live, work, and play with the same group of people day in and day out (although we are truly blessed to have such an amazing group of people at Tenwek).  Burnout is why so many missionary careers end shortly after they have begun. It is why mission agencies are so careful to stress the importance of life balance as well as time away during pre-deployment training.

We have now been on the mission field for over a year. While I would like to think that we are still going strong, it has been difficult. We have faced, and continue to face, all of the problems I’ve already mentioned. In addition we have suffered the added hardship of losing our baby girl. While each day can still be a struggle, we have found a new “normal” and life has continued to quickly move ahead. I realized as we approached the one year mark that I had neglected to take the allotted vacation time I was to use so I have tried to take some of that time over the past couple weeks. Two weeks ago, it allowed for additional time with mom and Phil when they visited. This week it has allowed for more time with Steph and the boys. It has also given Steph and I time at the end of the week to go away for a delayed 10 year anniversary/Valentine’s day/Steph’s birthday trip.

During this past week I have been trying to regroup and recharge. This has come in a variety of forms. I have been studying through 1 Samuel.  (This is partially because Bible quizzing is currently going on and this book has been the focus.  It has also been the topic of many sermons over the past month.) This book contains the stories of some amazing people. First there is Hannah, whom our daughter is named after. In the first chapters of the book, we learn what true dedication to the Lord looks like. After waiting for years to give birth, Hannah eventually conceives and then keeps her promise to God. When her son Samuel was weaned she took him to the house of the Lord and left him there to grow up serving God.

Samuel’s life is an example to all of us about what it means to live your entire life in the service of God. His life demonstrates how much of an impact a man of God can have in this world. Compare his life with that of Saul. He went from being the anointed one of God and the first king of Israel, to a self-centered and self-righteous man rejected by the very God that had made him king.

Then there is David, a man after God’s own heart. His life began as the youngest brother working in the fields as a shepherd. Against all odds, he defeated a warrior far greater than he (Goliath), spared the life of Saul several times (even though Saul was attempted to hunt down and kill David), and he became king over Israel defeating many in battle. Despite his greatness and worldly successes, he too gave in to worldly temptation. Not only did he take another man’s wife but he also ensured that man’s death to attempt to cover up his sins. But God showed His endless mercy and forgiveness as David sought forgiveness and reconciliation with his Creator.  This book of the Bible has provided a lot of meat to chew on for sure.

Recharging for me usually involves music as well and this week has been no exception. Despite the intermittent internet outages and slow speeds, I have been able to download new albums by Casting Crowns (Thrive) and John Waller (Life is a Gift). Here are a few excerpts that I have found to be especially refreshing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes it still seems crazy that we sold most of what we owned, packed up and moved to Africa. It was and is a leap of crazy faith in God’s plan.

Crazy Faith

“This house and all my dreams
You’re asking me to leave
And take my wife and children
Where we never thought we’d go
This is crazy
Lord I never thought we’d go
And it scares me

But it’s gonna take crazy faith
So what if it costs me everything
I’m stepping out
I’m taking the leap
Of crazy faith”

Through all of the challenges we have faced, God has made Himself more real than ever before.

I Know My God

“He’s a shepherd and a king
Lord of everything I see
Beginning and the end
Oh I know my God

So through the fire through the flood
When I feel like giving up
He will never let me go
Oh I know my God

I know my God
And He will save
I know my God
Will not delay
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Oh what a savior

I know my God
Will hold me up
‘Cause He’s my rock
And I will trust
I know my God
And oh what a savior”

We are so thankful for the truths and the life offered in God’s Word.

Your Word, My Life

“Oh, where else would I go
If you and you alone
Hold the words to life

And Lord, where else would I run
I’m alive because
Jesus Christ, Your Word is my life

Jesus you’re the Word and the Word is living
Jesus you’re the Word and the Word is life”

One of the hardest things to do is to fully release control to God and just allow Him to hold us.

Just Be Held

“If your eyes are on the storm
You wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You know I always have and I always will

Not a tear is wasted
In time you’ll understand
I’m painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in my hands

So when you’re on your knees
And answers seem so far away
You’re not alone
Stop holding on and just be held

Your world’s not falling apart
It’s falling into place
I’m on the throne
Stop holding on and just be held”

Many of you know that Steph and I have had it on our hearts for years that we would adopt. While we are still waiting on God’s timing for this, we know that we are likely very close to having this dream becoming a reality.

Orphan

“Cause Jesus here’s the orphan
He is moving Heaven and earth
All for one little girl
I heard Jesus calling
Will you go and rescue her
All for one little girl
Little did she know
Little did she know we were coming
Cause Jesus here’s the orphan”

It is hard to describe the excitement that begins to well up when I think of seeing Jesus reign and of the reunion with Hannah and others who have gone before us.

Rain

I close my eyes, I can almost see it

“Jesus reigning
Billions dancing
Children singing
He shall reign forever

Sweet reunions
Waiting for me
Around the throne of God
Who reigns forever”

If you have the chance, I would encourage you to check out some of these songs and the stories contained in 1 Samuel.  Thank you for your ongoing prayers and support.

 

Prayer requests:

-Thank you for praying for Steph’s dad.  The latest report is that after his radiation treatments, he is cancer free.  Pray that he remains this way.

-Please pray for the comfort of many families.  Over the past week, I have found out about several missionary families that have lost children.  I’ve also found out about families back in the states that have suffered sudden losses or have recently been diagnosed with cancer.  Pray that despite the pain and uncertainty that these events bring, that God will be honored and that many may come to know Him.

-Pray for our family as Steph and I will be away from the boys for the next couple days.  While it will be great to have some time away, it seems like it is even harder to leave them after losing Hannah.  Pray also for those who will be watching them in our absence.  It really is like trying to herd cats with those three.

-Pray that as Steph and I celebrate her birthday on the 14th (the 11 month mark of Hannah’s home going) that we will be able to balance joy with our sorrow.

-Pray for all of us here at Tenwek.  While the influx of patients resulting from the strike has subsided, the hospital remains at more than 100% capacity.  Pray for the stamina of staff and that our work would be Christ honoring.